Three excerpts from Rav Avigdor Miller on Teshuvah and the Yamim Nora’im. Each is shortened; the full answers are in the book.
What is the happiness of kaparah?
The word kaparah comes from the word kaf. Kaf means a “palm.” The reish is added to mean “wipe clean.” In the olden days, they didn’t have much water to waste, so they used to wipe a dish clean with the palm. They put some water on their palms and wiped away the dirt.
But kaparah doesn’t only mean that Hashem is wiping your slate clean and therefore it’s going to be a good year for you. It’s much more than that. Much more important than that — because kaparah means that Hashem is wiping clean your neshamah. Oh, that’s already something else entirely — your neshamah is being transformed on Yom Kippur! And that’s the most important of all things that can happen to a person in this world, because the neshamah is the only thing we really have. Our bodies are like clothing loaned to us for a short time — seventy, eighty years. If you’re fortunate, a hundred years. Then you must give it back. The time will come when you must take off that suit of flesh and bones and leave it in the ground, and it will turn to dust again. Your body is not you.
Who are you? You are a neshamah. That’s all you are! And the neshamah is forever and ever. Eventually, at the time of Techiyas Hameisim, your neshamah will once again be clothed in a body.
Now when this neshamah removes its suit of flesh and bones and comes to the next world, it’s suddenly exposed. Until that last day, the “suit” covering the soul kept it hidden away. It was easy to forget about it. But now, it’s standing naked, exposed entirely. Often, it’s covered with spots, very many stains of sin. It’s much dirtier than you imagined.
I’m not telling you derashos, things I invented in my own mind. Rabbeinu Yonah explains in the beginning of Sha’arei Teshuvah that every sin is a stain on your neshamah. And he’s saying it from the Gemara, from Tanach. “Ki im t’chabsi baneser v’sarbi lach boris, nichtam avoneich l’fanai — Even if you wash with nitrate (a certain kind of chemical) and much soap, your sin is stained before me” (Yirmiyah 2:22). So we see our sin is a stain.
Now, the fact that the body is covering it up today and you don’t see these stains doesn’t mean they can be ignored. That would be the most foolish thing to do because these stains are the greatest problem in our lives! Not one of the greatest — the greatest. Do you know why? Because “this world is only a vestibule before the World to Come” (Avos 4:16). We’re living in the vestibule of this world only to prepare for Olam Haba, and it’s impossible to enjoy the banquet of Olam Haba with these stains on our neshamos.
Suppose you walk into a chasunah, a banquet hall, and you have a blotch of mud on your head or dirt on your nose. Let’s say you had an accident, and your pants aren’t clean. It’s terribly embarrassing. Now, if you’re in this world, you might try to wipe it off. You can go into the bathroom and try to clean it. Maybe you can change your pants. But in the next world you can’t do any of those things. It’s very embarrassing.
That’s why kaparah is so important, and why Yom Kippur is the happiest day of the year. It’s the greatest opportunity in this world to get rid of your stains while you’re still here! Of course, if you don’t wait until Yom Kippur, it’s good, too. Let’s say you want to do teshuvah on Purim. Good idea. On Purim you can be a ba’al teshuvah, too. But it won’t have the same effect because only on Yom Kippur do we have the special promise, “Ki vayom hazeh y’chaper aleichem — On this day your stains are washed away” (Vayikra 16:30). Without the laundry machine, without the chemicals of Gehinnom, your neshamah becomes clean again. It’s a remarkable thing.
How clean do you become? Perfectly clean! “Lifnei Hashem titharu — You’re purified in the presence of Hashem” (ibid.). When He inspects you and you pass inspection, it means you’re perfect.
That’s what Rabbi Akiva says, “How happy you are, Yisrael! Before whom do you have to pass inspection, and who is cleaning you? Your Father in heaven.” (Yoma 85b). Hashem is doing both jobs — inspecting and cleaning. On Yom Kippur He cleanses you — and He can do a good job, by the way, better than anybody else. He’s an expert laundryman for your neshamah. Then when He inspects you and He’s satisfied with you, you’re a lucky man. Nothing could make us happier!
What’s the worst type of regret?
Everybody knows the story of Yaakov and Esav. One day Yaakov Avinu was cooking. All of a sudden Esav barged in and he was hungry — not only hungry, he was ayef (Bereishis 25:29). Ayef means he was tired and discouraged. Why? Because that day, Avraham Avinu had passed away. Esav couldn’t believe that Avraham had died. If that tzaddik passed away, Esav thought, there’s no use. Now, he knew that death happens to everybody. He wasn’t really surprised that Avraham had passed away, but he was discouraged. He was dispirited. For a moment, he was weakened in spirit.
But Yaakov Avinu was a man who always maintained his inspiration. “Vayishma Yaakov el aviv v’imo — Yaakov listened to his father and his mother” (Bereishis 28:7). And they always gave him encouragement and lessons of Torah, yiras Shamayim. They had many things to teach, and he was always full of spirit. He knew that this is a world of happiness and the place to accomplish great things. He was never discouraged, never ayef. But Esav was an ish sadeh, an “outdoor man.” He didn’t sit and listen to his parents, so he didn’t have those ideals implanted deep within him. He could say them b’al peh like many of us say them b’al peh, but they weren’t deeply implanted in his heart. So, he said “Haliteni na — Give me” from this pottage of yours (Bereishis 25:30).
Now, the Chachamim tell us that Esav committed five serious aveiros that day (Bava Basra 16b). But the Chumash makes no mention of those sins. Esav is accused of only one sin — “Vayivez Esav es habechorah — Esav scorned the birthright.” He scorned the privilege of being a bechor. That’s the only criticism the Torah has against him. Why only this one?
And the answer is — because the biggest sin in life is when you have opportunities to accomplish, to make something out of yourself, and you don’t. That’s the biggest sin of all. Cheit means “missing.” When you miss something, you lose out. The biggest cheit is when you lose out on becoming the person you could have been.
“Ha’olam hazeh domeh liprozdor lifnei Olam Haba — This world is like a lobby before the World to Come” (Avos 4:16). The World to Come is a place of happiness, a banquet hall. But there’s a lobby beforehand. Before you enter the banquet hall, you must get ready in the lobby. “Hasken atzmecha — Prepare yourself” in the lobby. Prepare yourself, make something out of yourself in the lobby. A person who can do so is mesukan, he’s “made.”
Had Esav chosen to be the bechor, he would have been the Kohen Gadol of the family, the teacher of the family. He would have been the spiritual leader. He would have been the Chacham. He would have served Hashem all his days. But Esav threw that away — and that’s the biggest sin of all. He did plenty of sins, but neglecting this opportunity to make something out of himself was the very greatest sin of all. “Vayivez Esav es habechorah.” That’s the big sin of Esav.
Let’s imagine you don’t do any sins. Still, what about accomplishing something? Say your boss gives you his truck and tells you to deliver goods across town. You come back and tell him, “Great news. I didn’t get into any accidents. Not even one dent on the truck.” The boss says, “But did you deliver the goods?” No, he didn’t deliver any goods. But we’re not in this world just to avoid sins. We’re also here to deliver the goods, to accomplish something.
Here’s a person who accomplishes something, but he sins. He has a tikkun. He can do teshuvah for his sins. He can be sorry for his sins. He can regret his sins. And Hashem is a rachum v’chanum — He will erase his sins. Even if he has to spend a time in Gehinnom for a little laundry cleaning, when he goes out, he goes to the next world with the mitzvos he accomplished. He has something to show for himself. He lived for a purpose.
But for a person who didn’t do mitzvos, who missed opportunities, teshuvah won’t help. “V’chesron lo yuchal l’himanos — That which is lacking cannot be filled” (Koheles 1:15). If you missed out on doing a mitzvah, you can never make up for it (Berachos 26a). When this man comes out of Gehinnom and comes to the next world, he arrives empty-handed. That’s the worst of all sins. That’s the greatest cause for regret. People don’t realize that.
And that’s why bitul Torah k’neged kulam — a person who doesn’t learn Torah or enough Torah has committed the worst of all sins (Yerushalmi Chagigah 1:7). Why? Because making something out of yourself is the most important thing.
Esav scorned the bechorah. He didn’t appreciate how great an opportunity it was. That’s called scorn. Hashem said, “You did plenty of sins, Esav, but I’ll mention only this one, because it’s the worst of all.”
The yetzer hara seeks to entrap us with many schemes. He has many tactics, many tricks up his sleeve. Of course he tries to get people to do sins, no question about it. But the biggest sin he tries to cause — and the one in which he’s most successful — is to stop people from accomplishing, from doing what they’re here to do.
What other achievements do we gain on Yom Kippur?
There are many. Kaparah is one. But another very great achievement on Yom Kippur is bitachon, trust in Hashem. “Baruch hagever asher yivtach baHashem — Blessed is the man who trusts in Hashem” (Yirmiyah 17:7). Pay attention to this pasuk. Trusting in Hashem is a very wise thing to do. Why? Because as a result, “v’hayah Hashem mivtacho — Hashem will be His trust” (ibid.). Hashem rewards you for trusting in Him — and He does so commensurate with the amount of trust you have in Him.
All day long on Yom Kippur we’re declaring that Hashem — only Hashem — is the author of our happiness. “Uch’sov l’chaim tovim — Inscribe us for a good life!” He is the One Who’s going to give us a happy life. All our words on Yom Kippur are to convince us that Hashem is the sole Source of our happiness. Hashem certainly doesn’t need us to tell him what to do. The purpose of our saying these words is so we should hear what we’re saying — that everything comes only from Hashem. We’re not praying to our boss to give us more money. We’re not praying to the president of the United States to stop taxing us up to our ears. We’re not praying for other people to come and help us with our security. On Yom Kippur, we’re speaking only to Hashem, and we’re asking Him to give us all these things.
Therefore, the more you think on Yom Kippur of this great principle that all our desires come only from Him, the more He’ll turn out to be your trust. “Bitchu baHashem adei ad — Trust in Hashem forever” (Yeshayah 26:4). Then He’ll turn out to be your trust. He’ll reward your trust.
I think most of you have heard of Perek Shirah. It’s considered a mitzvah to say it. In ancient times, people said it every day. In Perek Shirah, certain selections from Tanach are attributed to various animals, birds, and insects. Each species is allotted a pasuk. An ox says this pasuk and a bird says that pasuk — that’s Perek Shirah. It’s worth studying, but we’ll study just one little selection — what the wild goose says. What the wild goose says isn’t the same as what a tame or domestic goose says. What does the wild goose say? “Bitchu baHashem adei ad — Trust in Hashem forever” (Yeshayah 26:4). Why does it say that? It’s illustrated by the following story.
A wild goose was once flying above farms and human habitations, having had nothing to eat for a long time. It looked down and saw a scene that made its mouth water. It saw fat, domestic geese waddling along. They were heavy with schmaltz, waddling across a farmyard and being fed from a big bowl of grain from a kindhearted man. All the geese were flocking to him, and he generously fed them as much as they could take. It made the wild goose feel deprived, lonesome, and helpless. Oh, how it envied the fortunate ones who had such a benefactor! But it was a wild goose, so it kept on flying.
On the return trip it couldn’t help but fly over the same place — it just had to see those fortunate domestic geese again. So, it flew over the same farm and looked down. This time it saw an entirely different scene. There was nothing in the farmyard except bloody feathers.
That’s why the wild goose says, “Bitchu baHashem adei ad — Trust in Hashem forever!” And nobody else!
This teaches us one of the benefits of bitachon. If one transfers his trust from Hashem to something else, Hashem will put him in the power of that something else. The kindhearted benefactor who comes out with a big bowl of grain may turn out to be the one who is stuffing one for slaughter. In every case where one transfers his bitachon from Hashem to a person or an object, something is going to happen to show him that he made a mistake. The very person or thing he trusted in will betray him. That’s one of the reasons that tzaddikim never want people to trust in them — it will turn out badly for those people.
Therefore, the more you ask for chaim, for life and good health, the more you become convinced of the great principle of bitachon. “Baruch hagever asher yivtach baHashem — How fortunate is the man who made Hashem his trust, v’hayah Hashem mivtacho — because as a result Hashem will requite and fulfill his trust” (Yirmiyah 17:7).
When Yom Kippur is over, you’re not the same man. You’ve changed fundamentally. You’ve learned the great lesson of bitachon. It’s not enough, of course. If every day were Yom Kippur, it would have more of an effect on you, but still, even one diamond is precious. It’s a kaparah for all the times you lacked full bitachon. On Yom Kippur you put in the effort of believing in Hashem’s management of all your affairs. That’s a gem that’s settled in your mind. It’s a diamond that’s going to shine and illuminate all the days of the coming year. It has an effect.
Rav Avigdor Miller on Teshuvah and the Yamim Nora’im is available from Judaica Press.
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